Why do people Cheat? Part I (My body is mine)

One of the most heart breaking event in any romantic relationship or a marriage is cheating or infidelity. It is a huge breach of vows and commitment made to the other person. But as much as people know that infidelity hurts, many still commit the act. Somewhere right now, there is a man who is having sex with another man’s wife, or a woman having sex with another woman’s husband. Some may know that they belong to another person, and some don’t have a clue on the marital status of the other party. 

Infidelity is an old age practice that precedes our existence. Long before we were born and long after we die, infidelity will be a continued practice. But one question that is asked often is, why do people cheat? 

Many people, experts and novices have come up with reasons as to why cheating in a relationship happens. They are all right according to their contexts and understandings. I shall not disregard their assumptions and reasons. Some experts have further gone and named the three major causes of infidelity. 

1. Money

2. Poor or lack of communication 

3. Sex

The three above have been put right up on the list of the causes of infidelity. But again, there are many other reasons… Children, lack of children, drug abuse, in laws, greed… You can add up to the list.

My Body Is Mine 

According to me, cheating has a different cause. The cause goes like this “MY BODY IS MINE.” We have ownership of our bodies and we can do all we want with it, right? Right. Let us lay a bit of foundation on this assertion. 

Many of us still consume alcohol as much as we know that it is bad for us, many of us smoke cigarettes as much as we know it is linked to cancer, many of us still engage sexually without any form of protection as much as we know about HIV and STIs, many of us still consume junk food as much as we know their negative health implications. Why do we still put our bodies through these damaging habits despite the knowledge of their potential damages? Well, “MY BODY IS MINE AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.”

We have punished every organ in our bodies, we apply chemicals on our heads, we listen to loud music hence damaging ears, we sit in front of bright lights all day damaging our eyes, I can’t start explaining the contents in our stomach, our brains and minds are filled with filth, our hearts are damaged. We haven’t stopped, we still continue with these damages every single day. Why? “MY BODY IS MINE AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH IT.”

WHEN IT COMES TO MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS

In a marriage or a relationship, something hard and difficult is required of us. To give our body to one person and forsake all others. But most people don’t do it or find it hard to do it. 

Therefore, a woman will have the following script… “my vagina is mine, and I can give it for pleasure to anyone as I please, I can give it to my husband, I can give it to my boss, I can give it to my crash, it is mine and I can do whatever I want with it.” So the woman will end up cheating on the husband, without any care in the world, furthermore, her body is hers.

A man will go like… “my penis is mine, I can give it for pleasure to anyone as I please, I can give it to my wife, I can give it to my crash, I can give it to my secretary, or I can order an escort online to a hotel.” So the man will end up cheating on the wife, without any care in the world, because, his body is his. 

Cheating happens because we have not learnt or accepted that marriage or a relationship is a covenant. Two individuals vow to give their bodies exclusively to one person. The script changes from, “my body is mine” to “my body is my husband’s, and not any other man” or “my body is my wife’s and not any other woman.” The above should be effected even in the midst of temptation to do otherwise.

I believe that the top three, namely; sex, money and poor communication are residues of the concept of “My Body Is Mine.” What do I mean? One is tempted to say “My Body Is Mine” when there is poor communication, “this man or this woman is not talking to me, why should I give him or her my body? So and so talks to me well, they deserve it.” “my wife doesn’t have sex with me, my body is mine, I can give it to any other woman that desires it more than her.” “I can’t give my body to a man or a woman who miss manages finances, or who is broke, I will give my body to someone who provides and buys me expensive goods.”

Marriages and relationships calls for that sacrifice, it goes deeper to emotional and mental infidelity. One has to reach a point where they say that “I will have feelings for my partner only and not any other, I shall have romantic thoughts for my partner and not any other person.” It calls for that sacrifice. 

If you are not able to make such a sacrifice, then it is better not to get married or get into a relationship.

Saitu Lemayian.